I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
