Little spoons don't ask big questions
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
