I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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