My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize