so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
what day is it and did you see me today?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
