Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
