how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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