bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
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