I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
