I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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