What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
