She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
porn star boner night. come get it.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
