You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
