y did u give ur computer a hand job?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
