Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
