i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
