you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
He kissed a someone with a penis
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
