she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
ttyl tear gas
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
