guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
