There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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