i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize