I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
