I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
