I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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