so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
