I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
