the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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