i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
