I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
