Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I think my fart just growled at me.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
