walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
