apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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