i need an iv and a liver transplant
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
