Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
