FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Randomize
