Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize
