I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize