New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
