Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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