i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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