He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
