The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
