No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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