Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
