Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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