WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
