i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
