I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
