that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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