i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Blood and glitter go together right?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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