smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
