Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
