do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
