Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
no, he came in my armpit
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
its liver damage thursday
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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