I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Woke up backwards on a recliner
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
