Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
even my farts smell like vagina
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
