I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
my liver is dry heaving
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
