Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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