He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
