so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
