WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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