You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
