I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
