your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize