Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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