I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
