I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
