i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Randomize
