i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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