if only i could text you this smell
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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