I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
A+ Viking dick
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
