my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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