She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
