I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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