Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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