i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
