we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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