Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
