Your dad touched me again.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
