non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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