just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
When are your genitals available?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
