It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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