i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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