im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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