Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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