he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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