We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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