i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize