were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Even the bartender felt bad for me
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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