Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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