Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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