Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I am puke
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
