the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
