We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
