he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize