He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
