wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
