Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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