Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
