lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
