Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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